The funeral services for Elspeth were held on Saturday Oct. 9th at our church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Our Bishop and Stake President (local leaders) spoke about God's plan for our baby and reminded us that we will be reunited with her again. Their words were so comforting and perfectly matched for what we needed to hear. At the cemetery Ryan tenderly laid Elspeth's tiny casket into the ground and family and friends dropped a flower into her grave as a last farewell. It was a beautiful day outside, sunny and 70 degrees. The leaves on the trees had just started to change. Ryan and I decided that whenever we see the trees start to change it will be a silent reminder of our baby.
It's now been 10 days since Elspeth was born. I know that I have to slowly start picking up the pieces, and it's been much harder that I had anticipated. I left the house for the first time today and cooked dinner for Ryan in an attempt to imitate "normal" life. I feel like an imposter in my own home. One of these days I will be able to say Elspeth's name and instead of crying I will smile. There's something to be said of people have been through a loss like this...to those who have been here in my shoes I have a tremendous respect for you. I am looking forward to becoming strong and resilient again.