It's been 3 months since Elspeth passed away.
If she could be here just for a moment I would have so much to tell her. I would say "I love you" over and over again. I would tell Elspeth that I have thought about her every single day since she left me. I would tell her my heart aches for me to rock her asleep. I would tell her how beautiful she is and promise that I will never forget what it felt like to hold her in my arms and kiss her face.
I would also tell Elspeth that we smile when we remember her. Sometimes we just lay in bed and talk about her birthday, just remembering the happiness of that wonderful day. I would tell her that I dream about the day we will be reunited and how joyful that day will be when we are a family again. I would thank her for the time she blessed us with and what a miracle it was that she lived for 9 months!
Yes, it's been 3 months that she has been gone. I enjoyed 6 weeks of "maternity" leave, Thanksgiving, a Christmas candle lighting ceremony at the hospital to remember babies lost, Christmas with family and finally a fresh start with the new year.
I'm especially looking forward to the new year and the possibilities that it brings.
Thank you to everyone who have made these past 3 months better than I could have imagined and for putting up with me.
Thank you mostly to Ryan who is the best husband and father I could have asked for myself and for my child(ren).
I love you Elspeth.