Wednesday, January 5, 2011

3 months later...

It's been 3 months since Elspeth passed away.

If she could be here just for a moment I would have so much to tell her. I would say "I love you" over and over again. I would tell Elspeth that I have thought about her every single day since she left me. I would tell her my heart aches for me to rock her asleep. I would tell her how beautiful she is and promise that I will never forget what it felt like to hold her in my arms and kiss her face.

I would also tell Elspeth that we smile when we remember her. Sometimes we just lay in bed and talk about her birthday, just remembering the happiness of that wonderful day. I would tell her that I dream about the day we will be reunited and how joyful that day will be when we are a family again. I would thank her for the time she blessed us with and what a miracle it was that she lived for 9 months!

Yes, it's been 3 months that she has been gone. I enjoyed 6 weeks of "maternity" leave, Thanksgiving, a Christmas candle lighting ceremony at the hospital to remember babies lost, Christmas with family and finally a fresh start with the new year.

I'm especially looking forward to the new year and the possibilities that it brings.

Thank you to everyone who have made these past 3 months better than I could have imagined and for putting up with me.

Thank you mostly to Ryan who is the best husband and father I could have asked for myself and for my child(ren).

I love you Elspeth.


  1. We love you and think of Elspeth often.

  2. That was beautiful, it made me cry. We love you too..we hope this year 2011 can bring you a lot of good things.

  3. you write so beautifully about little e. you are a mother. don't ever forget that.

    we still remember and always will.



  4. We love you and your family, Meredith!

  5. I put your name on the prayer roll yesterday in the Draper Temple. xoxoxo

  6. My friend Wendy gave me a link to your blog... we lost our son to a cord accident and delivered him stillborn at 20 weeks on 12/30/10. Your experience and your willingness you share it have been an inspiration to me. Thank you to you and your husband for sharing your thoughts and feelings during this difficult time.

  7. *hugs* I love you dear friend and cannot wait until the day that these precious angels are back in our arms again.
    We will always remember precious little Elspeth