Ryan's post

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we believe that families can be together forever. This is a blessing that both Meredith and I look forward to someday. We believe that through Priesthood authority (Matt. 28: 18 God's Power) a husband and wife can be sealed together forever in one of our temples here on earth. Under this sealing our Elspeth and our future children will be with us when we depart from this life. This is a comforting feeling for us as we ponder our future and what it holds for us and Elspeth. God has provided this unto us if Meredith and I are faithful unto Him and do as He has asked. We love our little unborn daughter and could not bear to think of eternity without her. We also believe that children before the age of 8 who die will be guaranteed a spot in God's kingdom. So we know that our perfect little angel will already have her glory given to her as she departs this life. God will give her to us for a brief moment so she can gain a body, something which is vital in the plan of our Father in Heaven, she will then be back in God's arms to stay safely forever. We know it will be tough for us not to have her with us but there is hope, and Meredith and I come back to this knowledge whenever we feel down to lift us up and and give us patience and love.

Thought of the Day

"Sometimes love is for a moment. Sometimes love is for a lifetime. Sometimes a moment is a lifetime."



Elspeth,



I am really looking forward to our moment together.



-Your Momma

25 weeks and Father's Day

Father's Day was uneventful at our house. It was Ryan's first Father's Day and I worked the whole weekend. He did however get a really lovely card from Alexandra's House staff. Alexandra's House is the peri-natal hospice house in Kansas City that has been working with us. On the inside of the card it had a really lovely poem:

A Father Means...

A Father means so many things...

An understanding heart,

A source of strength and of support

Right from the very start.

A constant readiness to help

In a kind and thoughtful way.

With encouragement and forgiveness

No matter what comes your way.

A special generosity and always affection, too

A Father means so many things

When he's a man like you.

-Author unknown

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I suppose I am on a poetry kick because I found another really sweet poem that I touched my heart.

.

I Remember You

.

The world may never notice

If a rosebud doesn't bloom

Or even pause to wonder

If the petals fall to soon

But every life that ever forms,

Or ever comes to be

Touches the world in some small way

For all eternity.

The little one I longed for

Was swiftly here and gone.

But the love that was then planted

Is a light that still shines on.

And though our arms are empty,

Our hearts know what to do

Every beating of my hearts says

"I remember you".

-Author unknown

24 Weeks

Every Tuesday is the day Elspeth turns another week. Tuesdays have become a dreaded day because I want so much for this process to slow down in many ways. This week I have been thinking a lot about the "age of viability" for babies. 24 weeks has been the traditional time when 50-70% of babies can be delivered and are able to survive with a lot of medical support. I think that for most pregnant women, this would be a sigh of relief to get this far in a pregnancy. It's been on my mind this week because I know that no matter how big or old Elspeth gets, there's no possible way any medical professional can save her.



On another note, this week Ryan has been trying desperately to feel Elsepth's movements from the outside. Her movements feel so obvious to me, but it's still a little difficult for him to detect. We are really looking forward to the day were he can participate and feel a little of what I am experiencing.



We met with the hospice social worker this last week. Her name is Kate and she works for Carousel Peri-Natal Hospice which is a division of Kansas City Hospice. She came to our home and met with us for about an hour. She provided us with a lot of information to think about including an outline for typical birth plan for a peri-natal hospice baby.

Some things covered on the birth plan are:



We want/do not want our baby's heartbeat monitored during labor.



If there is a loss of heartbeat prior to delivery, we do/do not wish to be informed.



We request that a ceremony (blessing, baptism, etc.) be performed in accordance with our religious beliefs by __________________________.



It goes on for about two pages with several different things to think about as we go into this birth. Almost every detail is covered. I am really thankful for this list because as a woman who has never given birth, I have never thought about what I would want during the delivery process regardless if it was a healthy baby or not.



Kate also left us with a book called "Empty cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the death of Your Baby," by Deborah L. Davis, Ph.D. I have only just begun to read it but I am finding the content helpful. It covers everything from what to expect with your emotions to what to do to stop your milk supply from coming in. All good information for me to know and I am finding myself more and more grateful for resources to help us through this time.

More to come next week, thanks for reading, your prayers and support.

23 weeks

I started to feel Elspeth little kicks about 2-3 weeks ago. It's amazing how much stronger and more frequent I can feel them now. It's not to the point where I am uncomfortable, so I am really enjoying it.

We (Elspeth and I) went to the doctor today. Dr. Sheridan was able to find her heart beat so quickly. When she was smaller he had to hunt around for awhile and listen very closely until he was sure it was her heart. Today, the second he placed his doppler on me we could hear her heart clearly. I don't think I will ever become tired of listening to her heart.

Today I had a really good day. Elspeth is 23 weeks today. She is almost one foot long and weighs a little over a pound. I have been happy and content today even with the torrential rain storms beating on the house.

Thought for the day:

"Contentment springs from within ourselves. It springs from our thoughts. Outward circumstances will be contributive to it, but it is our attitude toward those exterior things which will determine our contentment..."

I am trying to chose to be content with my circumstances and I hope this attitude sticks around. It has for today at least and that's enough for now.