29 Weeks

Today we went in for our 3D sonogram. There was so much build up to this day that I was worried I would find myself dissapointed, but thankfully it turned out to be wonderful even though Elspeth was an uncooperative participant. Jeanette Burlbaw is a sonographer who volunteers her time to families who need peri-natal hospice services. She was referred to us by Alexandra's House. Jeanette is not only a very talented sonographer, but also a compassionate person. I enjoyed every minute of our two hour session.


Elspeth's face was tucked into her chest and her head was squished up against my bladder. Then to top it all off, her hands were in front of her face for most of the sonogram...well, until I took a short break and jumped up and down. The sonographer said it would help her to change positions. She did finally move her hands for a brief moment, but it was still very difficult to see her face, which could be viewed in profile only. Jeanette said there was plenty of space for Elspeth to move around in, but she was content to keep curled up in a ball.


The biggest positives discovered from the sono were #1 Elspeth is still head down (wahoo! I'm hoping for a vaginal delivery and NO C-SECTIONS!) #2 Elspeth's growth is right on track #3 No polyhydraminos complications. #4 Elspeth is still very much a girl. Her favorite and most frequently photographed body part? You guessed it, her bottom and other such areas down there. The sonographer said she loves to show off her little bottom, a trait in which I credit to her father.





Here are some of the highlights:

Arms up by her head and covering her face, her favorite position.




.

Hands folded together.

.

Left arm and knee.




.

Knees bent.

.

Sweet little foot.

.

Hand resting on her knee.

.

Legs crossed, like the lady she is.

2D shot of her face. It's was the only way to see her face. Her hand is up by her eyes.

There are several more shots but these are the best. A big thanks to my Mom and sister Allyson for coming with Ryan and I to the appointment. They both helped make it a fun experience instead of depressing and that was very much appreciated.

28 weeks

I have an online support group called Anencephaly Blessing From Above (ABFA). I know that I have probably talked about them on the blog before, but something this week happened that was exceptional.

Someone started a message that said, "The happiest thing was when..." and everyone filled in their blanks. Someone wrote, "The happiest thing was when my daughter cried just once after birth just moments before she passed away." Another wrote, "The happiest thing was when the baby moved for her first and only time after birth while in her father's arms. It was a gift!" And another example, "The happiest thing was when we found out that our baby was really alive for two hours and we didn't even know it until the nurse discovered her heart beat. We thought she was gone, but she wasn't."

There were several other examples like that, but it was so nice to hear some happy memories out of such difficult moments. These women are truly incredible and inspirational.

I have a few of my own happiest moments from this week (28 weeks). The happiest moment was at the doctor's office this week. We heard Elspeth's heart beating with the aid of the doppler (147 BPM). Ryan was able to come to this appointment too. I never realized how much of a difference Ryan coming to the appointment makes to me. I feel so much more relaxed when he's there. It's like I'm not alone in this situation.

Another happiest moment was when Kate our social worker and therapist came from the peri-natal hospice group "Carousel". She comes about once a month to just check in on us and counsel us. She has wonderful insight and I appreciate her visits so much.

Our final "happiest moment" is looking forward to the 3D sonogram that will be taking place in only 3 more days! I hope to have the photos up on Tuesday the 20th.

27 weeks

Our big Elspeth event this week was our trip to the funeral home to start making some preliminary arrangements. I knew this day was going to be very difficult for me, but there were a couple of suprising moments of peace. I felt much calmer than I had anticipated. We drove up to the site of her future grave and had the chance to take a moment and remember my niece Marcela Mae Clark who passed shortly after birth on May 4, 2007. Our Elspeth and Marcela will share a grave in the family plots there. My grandfather's grave is also located there and it was so lovely to know that Elspeth will always be surrounded by people who love her.

Thank you to everyone who called me or thought about us last Friday. We needed a lot of support that day and you all came through for us.

On a very happy note, Ryan felt his first round of Elspeth kicks. One afternoon she was really wound up and was kicking consistantly around my belly button. She may have had a serious case of the hiccups. Ryan came home at just the right time and was able to experience that for the first time with certainty. It was a wonderful moment to watch his face as he felt his daughter's movements. Pure joy.

She has several moments in the day now when she really gets going with her legs and arms. I can distinguish the difference now between a kick and a punch. Sometimes her arms and legs are going at the same time (that's when I make sure the bathroom is nearby). I am enjoying her so much and feel so blessed that she is apart of my life.

26 weeks

Another ultrasound this week. The tech tried to get a good look at her face but she made it a challenge because she kept sucking on her arms. Her belly was full of amniotic fluid which means that there should be no complications of polyhydraminos for me (yeah!). We are counting every blessing.

On the left you can see her hand beside her right eye. Her mouth is wide open, mid-swallow. More images to come soon when we have our BIG 3D/4D sono on July 20th.

Ryan's post

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we believe that families can be together forever. This is a blessing that both Meredith and I look forward to someday. We believe that through Priesthood authority (Matt. 28: 18 God's Power) a husband and wife can be sealed together forever in one of our temples here on earth. Under this sealing our Elspeth and our future children will be with us when we depart from this life. This is a comforting feeling for us as we ponder our future and what it holds for us and Elspeth. God has provided this unto us if Meredith and I are faithful unto Him and do as He has asked. We love our little unborn daughter and could not bear to think of eternity without her. We also believe that children before the age of 8 who die will be guaranteed a spot in God's kingdom. So we know that our perfect little angel will already have her glory given to her as she departs this life. God will give her to us for a brief moment so she can gain a body, something which is vital in the plan of our Father in Heaven, she will then be back in God's arms to stay safely forever. We know it will be tough for us not to have her with us but there is hope, and Meredith and I come back to this knowledge whenever we feel down to lift us up and and give us patience and love.

Thought of the Day

"Sometimes love is for a moment. Sometimes love is for a lifetime. Sometimes a moment is a lifetime."



Elspeth,



I am really looking forward to our moment together.



-Your Momma

25 weeks and Father's Day

Father's Day was uneventful at our house. It was Ryan's first Father's Day and I worked the whole weekend. He did however get a really lovely card from Alexandra's House staff. Alexandra's House is the peri-natal hospice house in Kansas City that has been working with us. On the inside of the card it had a really lovely poem:

A Father Means...

A Father means so many things...

An understanding heart,

A source of strength and of support

Right from the very start.

A constant readiness to help

In a kind and thoughtful way.

With encouragement and forgiveness

No matter what comes your way.

A special generosity and always affection, too

A Father means so many things

When he's a man like you.

-Author unknown

.

I suppose I am on a poetry kick because I found another really sweet poem that I touched my heart.

.

I Remember You

.

The world may never notice

If a rosebud doesn't bloom

Or even pause to wonder

If the petals fall to soon

But every life that ever forms,

Or ever comes to be

Touches the world in some small way

For all eternity.

The little one I longed for

Was swiftly here and gone.

But the love that was then planted

Is a light that still shines on.

And though our arms are empty,

Our hearts know what to do

Every beating of my hearts says

"I remember you".

-Author unknown